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My cats are going to go back with their foster mommy so I know her and they'll go to a family that can take them to the vet all the time and give them more space to run around then the tiny shitty apartment that I am staying in. I still don't want to stay here though, I feel like if I am not going to Irvine that I have somewhere else to be because I don't want to stay in Tujunga, I don't want to be the girl who stayed in their shitty hometown after high school and didn't do anything with their life. I've been torching so many bridges in my life right now its not like any one will want to live with me.
but you know what the funny part is I finally don't feel guilty and I don't care about losing anyone anymore. sometimes people need to be let go so you can have the life you are supposed to live. I still don't know what that is for me but I have a feeling that something is going to happen. I mean cosmically speaking there has to be some kind of balance. I chose to believe that life will balance out for me because I have the chance to chose my fate and I am going to take it.
I feel like this is a serious opportunity to start fresh. Or I have just been watching the show hindsight to often. but it's a really great show. I am going to make the best out of the worst situation I have been in. But it kind of makes me happy that things have gotten so bad, I don't know how to explain it, I just feel like there is so much more hope for the future while you are at the bottom. like all I can see is the light at the end of the tunnel instead of focusing on being stuck in the damned tunnel. I feel like I work best when I am at this pint. my blog is blossoming, my writer's block cleared up all I do is write or blog and the feeling of productivity is the best feeling. its like there is this small sun in your brain that shines on what you really want and how you are going to get there.
I feel like this is a serious opportunity to start fresh. Or I have just been watching the show hindsight to often. but it's a really great show. I am going to make the best out of the worst situation I have been in. But it kind of makes me happy that things have gotten so bad, I don't know how to explain it, I just feel like there is so much more hope for the future while you are at the bottom. like all I can see is the light at the end of the tunnel instead of focusing on being stuck in the damned tunnel. I feel like I work best when I am at this pint. my blog is blossoming, my writer's block cleared up all I do is write or blog and the feeling of productivity is the best feeling. its like there is this small sun in your brain that shines on what you really want and how you are going to get there.
I feel like there are all new possibilities but at the same time I'm worried about if I am going to be happy. I mean I have always had weird relationships with my family and I am kind of worried that they aren't going to like me, or I'm not going to have fun. sometimes I think that they think I look super butch and sound like a boy. but y'know its family.It has also been a long time since they have really hung out with me and I dress fricken cute and I know how to do make up. I always felt like such a potato around my dad's family. I have to look at it from a positive perspective. I could have the time of my life. I mean I am already at rock bottom, and I really hope there is nothing lower than bottom. I guess that would be hell....never mind... But that means I have to put aside money and budget and shit. like have a jar of weed money and tattoo money and money for makeup and hair supplies. Also like all the weird snacks that i like to eat that no one else likes.so basically I'll have to get a banging ass job as soon as I get there so I can get all my shit under control. Ugh.
I need to get rid of a bunch of clothes but i am not famous enough to do a giveaway or anything. I'll probably end up giving away the clothes to the thrift store near my house. Don't get too excited hipsters, it's not like it's a good thrift store. some of the stuff is good but the other stuff should've been burned and forgotten a long time ago.I really hope I get to Irvine before VIKINGS comes back in February, because that show is my motha fuckin' JAM. like no joke Ragnar Lothbrok is my baby daddy in my mind, like he could slay this vagina all day and I wouldn't complain. I mean look at him
I really need to stop with pretty eyed men with beards though, because all that seemed to do was get me in trouble. But at the same time it's the good kind of trouble. 
he is too damn fine. I have waited too damn long for the show to start up. So these next few months are going to be fucking exciting, even though I am broke again.
Thank you guys for looking at my blog so much and enjoying my sad life. I mean I have finally been approved for adsense and now you guys are hitting up this blog like I guest starred on broad city. {totally kidding there would be like way more views if that was the case.} but yeah, I really appreciate you guys taking the time to read this and it really does mean alot to me. I was worried that blogging was going to be a dying media with all the youtubers and everything and vlogs and shit.But to be brutally honest I am way too poor to get a cool camera and spend time editing my face. so yeah I'm really glad you guys read this and I am going to be moving soon so I might not be posting as regularly so all y'all nosey viewers might have to wait.