Chapter 22: Retrograde?

SO, from the 18th to june 11th mercury is going to be in retrograde. Now I believe in horoscopes and magic and shit so save your eyerolls and scoffs for someone else. the effects of retrograde consist of ; the reappearance of ex's, and old friends. Around this time people become forgetfull and they don't think really clearly however.the point of tonight's entry isn't to give you an astrology lesson, it's to give you some warnings as to where this post is headed. So tonight I woke up from a nap feeling kind of shitty y'know like i was in an air plane terminal on those moving sidewalks. and I was going through tumblr as I usually do and I felt a pang of loneliness. I had been feeling sort of like a fish out of water for the past month or so and i have been stuck in this nasty rut ever since I have started working. so I prayed. {lol funny because the last entry I said I wasn't going to pray or believe in magic, well jokes on you fuckers 'cause I'm still doing both}anyway. so it was a simple prayer. I asked for friends who were like me and could keep me company and have fun with, then I sort of wished for an ideal dude which is basically Tom Hardy, y'know rugged and scary and fear inspiring but still has a soft spot for yours truly. And then a friend of mine that stopped talking to me for a while hit me up on facebook because i took a picture in one of her shirts and she wants to come get it back. but the whole time we were talking it was cold and distant and sort of like two divorced parents schedueling the drop off times for their kids. but after that little blurb I was feeling kind of off, but at the same time I could have just been being sensitive because a lot of stuff gets lost in translation over text and I always think people are mad at me. but anyway i felt super disappointed because whenever people re-appear in my life recently its been like trying to wear pants that are too tight. and then I got to thinking {like I usually do} that I should move on in other things and stop holding onto this torch that I am holding for my former flame because their return could be equal parts sad and dissapointing. Plus I'm sure every one is sick of me going on about him anyway. but honestly it would be like trying to wear the old dress from your prom that doesnt quiet fit the same way even though you can zip it up.It'll be uncomfortable and terrible. if I want to be uncomfotable i'll just watch Japanese game shows or look at my middle school pictures. oh and besides that i realized i am very boring. I work and come home and make weird online purchases. I'm pretty sure my masterbation routine is getting stale. that's how fucking boring i have become.It's like I am an old person. ITS FUCKING TERRIBLE and I suck at making new friends so all that's going to happen is i am going to stay in the same routine unbothered and probably order an XBOX so I can be alone and sad and fangirl over the character design of some videogame that's better than my life.