Chapter 19:Garbage Pig People From Outer Space

Do you ever feel like your mood is going to ruin the rest of your day? Like this seething bubble of hatred is making it impossible to smile in people's faces and pretend that you care about their needs meanwhile you are basically a pimple on the ass of their day because the Customer is always right.customer service is kind of a drag because you get to see people's true nature. some people are kind and polite and gentle little cinnamon buns and the rest are garbage pig people. they leave trash everywhere, they make you feel stupid if you don't do things their way, men while expecting you to smile and nod like some sort of Android.   But other than that I'm just really happy having a job even though I want to move away still and live on my college campus but I can just take some classes and just commute. I really don't want to but i always end up getting into an argument with my mom about how I supposedly think that I am better than everyone else because I don't like taking the bus. when the real problem is I have no sense of direction and I would feel safer and more comfortable driving. I feel like my mom keeps making excuses to not let me move forward like this giant anchor holding down a ship. she wont show me how to drive, she makes excuses, she gets defensive when I talk about moving out. it's super fucking difficult.

 I went to this school in Santa Monica for a tour and I want to move out there and go to school out there and it would make my life so much easier, but I still have to take into consideration the cost of living, getting a job out there, dealing with my current job, paying for school getting a car ect ect ect. it just piles up and I get no fucking help i just get my ideas criticized. And on top of that I have been talking to this guy on base in North Carolina and he keeps bringing up me going out there to visit him and i caved and told him I would but I would have to calculate air fare cost of a room and all this other stuff that my skinny black ass cant afford, and I don't have any time off from my job because I don't have any seniority I tried to bring up him coming to see me instead but he had a shit ton of excuses. so basically I don't see this heading anywhere but I like him and I like talking to him but at the same time it;s super fucking inconvenient for me. I have all of these options to escape and none of he funds or the time to do it. This job is stealing my soul. I'm so mad Because he is like everything i had ever wanted in a guy. He's tall and goofy and he likes breakfast foods and he can cook. he talks shit and gets on my nerves he's just so fucking great.He's sweet, kind, honest, and he works super hard. he's a lot less aggressive than I am but then again who isn't? he's like Captain American to my Tony Stark.
And I cant go see him or touch him or do the sexy because he's in Fucking North Carolina and I'm stuck in the meth capital of Southern California bagging groceries for garbage pig people. It's like I have so many escape routes and options that i am over whelmed so i will end up stuck in the physical equivalent of purgatory until the day I die because I didn't take any risks and I played it safe like a little bitch.I try to stay positive I try to say to myself "Jade, by the end of this year it'll be totally different you can quit this job and go to school and sort everything out, and once you're in school you can visit captain america on your vacations and touch his cute little butt and kiss his face all you want just hold out 'til the end of the year." I still feel like a late bloomer. Like i'll be thirty by the time i graduate College and i will be behind on my life plan to be a kick ass graphic designer/ comic book author/ author and I will live in Hawaii and raise tiny fat baby tea cup pigs and on a little plot of land with my cute sexy hot live in boyfriend and everything will go according to plan.  and maybe some puppies too.