{Black}Girl Interupted

So I haven't been on in a while cause shit has really been hitting the fan. I've been looking for another job because working in Grocery isn't my jam. Like I was seconds away from going postal. there was only so much I could take in that industry like everyone was unhappy, pay and hours were getting cut left and right it was so messy. But besides that dealing with my mom was becoming more and more unbearable. In addition to that my depression had spiked to the point of noticeable symptoms, but I feel like no matter how hard it gets or how sad I am I can never catch a break. I hardly get any help at home with chores or food or anything domestic. I cant even ask for the money my dad sends me without there being some sort of argument even though it's technically my cash and I don't know where it goes cause whenever I ask about it there's this 1950's "Don't ask me about my business." shit that my mom likes to pull. I really get tired of this shit like I don't need to be this tired. and my mom likes to pull this "you're gonna take care of me one day right?" bull shit even though she hasn't been taking care of me since I turned 13. I've been taking care of her and dealing with being put through the emotional ringer. my main goal now is to be able to take care of myself because everything is such a mess like I cant see straight.

Like I have this fantasy right where I can live on my own in my own little apartment and pay my own rent, there's nobody there to lord anything over me, nobody there to make me feel like I need them to survive. It's just me, making breakfast in my underwear, mildly drunk off of mimosas with curlers in and maybe legally blonde, or sex and the city marathons playing in the background. Maybe a boyfriend or girlfriend. maybe just me. it doesn't matter but i am content and safe and alone in my home writing or selling art doing something I love.Mostly not being sad is my goal. I want a fairytale ending, like I dug my way out of the sadness and on the other side is a partner, a home, loyal loving best friends, and everyone is happy with each other. I don't want to belong to her anymore. I want my freedom. there is no reason for me to live like a slave. There's no reason for me to be on the mercy of someone else who has more money than I do, and as God and the internet as my witness I will never be anyone's pet not now, not ever.