A Series of Fortunate and Unfortunate Events.

have you ever tried to do something; regardless of what it is and it keeps backfiring? like i was trying to get in contact with a local beauty school today because i had an appointment and every time i tried to cal in regards to that appointment my phone would either A) lose connection or B) whoever was on the other line wouldn't answer. so I did a brief amount of shopping bought a skirt & a couple tops trying to migrate into spring fashions and when i get home i try to call them again. I call a few times. they hang up. then they finally call me back and what happens? my phone loses signal. I'm sitting here like this is a divine sign from the deities not to go to this school. so I'm over here eating fucking mac n cheese like a ten year old talking to myself like what is the master plan? what is the end game? where is the universe trying to lead me? and what is the universe's deal with beauty schools? I mean shit i fucked up my senior year, it's easy and I wont have to go to community college, i wont be sitting on the couch being a slovenly little shit. what am I supposed to do? what career am I meant to pursue. I have been trying my hand in practically everything from house keeping to finiances and nothing is sticking. like I don't know what I want to do but I know the woman I want to become and I'm not going to become that bitch being the manager of a smart and final.I don't feel like I;ve found my nitch yet, all i feel like doing is making quick cash so i can blow off some steam at forever 21, in the shoe department. i feel really lost, and I've been too proud to admit it, I feel lost and afraid and worried about what i should do and where i should go. i keep trying to give my burdens to god and just enjoy the ride , but im so used to micromanaging i stress myself out. i feel like my whole life is this swaying in the balance of being stressed and excited all at the same time. I've put so much pressure on myself, pushing myself to succeed at anything and everything even if I don't care that much about it. and I'm worried because I started talking about going on a date or something with this one guy but I don't want him to see where I live because i'm in this shitty apartment complex in Sunland and i'm getting tired of people asking me what I do or where I go to school because none of my plans work out even though I've been actively looking for schools, scholarships, internships, volunteer programs. anything that'll give me some kind of purpose so i dont feel like one of those girls that has a catatonic breakdown after a break up. I mean like when Goat Man turned into the nameless one, i was looking for any excuse to leave and be dramatic and never return until i was like hot and successful like in a fucking Nicholas Sparks movie. but it seems liuke the holy most high has different plans because i'm still here in my home town not having any adventure being a trollop on tinder like it's a sport. I dont feel acomplished, I dont feel like I'm going anywhere after highschool. the sad thing is for me being a stripper is more likely going to happen than me owning a company because i cant make up my damn mind., Everything is all jumbled up and I'm confused and scared as per usual. The only thing that makes any real sense to me is writing but I'm not raking in J.K Rowling's type money right now and evryone around me makes me feel like the bum on the couch. Maybe I should just revel in what i know that I'm good at instead of trying to be someone & something that I'm not.