Almost Easy

Why is it that I feel like I am crazy? I try so hard to do things that are condusive to my mental health, like expressing my feelings in a healthy way but it always seems to blow up in my face. growing up i had been told to bottle up everything, because "people didn't need to know my business" or because "no one really wants to hear that." or even "can you stop i really don't want to hear you crying." even though it was in direct reacting to something someone had done to me that wasn't right.how can you let it go when you hold it inside and bottle up all your issues and let them fester inside you. how is what's healthy for me detrimental to others? how is speaking up for yourself wrong? what good is it to stand your ground and be yourself in a system that is conditioning you to be like someone else? what sense does it make finding yourself if the world wants what you have just in someone else. life has become a twisted mass of people pretending everything is okay, feeling like their struggle burdens another, feeling like what they are being put through is bothersome. hell yeah it's bothersome, that's why you need to talk about it and work to fix the situation. you cant do everything by yourself.you didn't get to the state that you're in alone.I'm so tired of the way that the society we live in treats weakness, and mental instability. It's sickening to think that we exist in a time where we are aware of mental illness on a global scale and yet when we see the signs in someone close to us we silence them, we deny them the right to endure their own pain, and then we mourn their loss. when they are gone we make grand gestures and speeches about how wonderful, kind and beautiful they were but at the same time the very ones making the speeches and starting the foundations are silencing the victim bringing them closer to the edge on a daily basis. not everyone has the choice to suffer silently. not everyone is built to live off of the fuel of their sins. it's a pity that wonderful, sensitive,loyal people are brought to the lowest level left to question themselves and to sit and blame themselves continuing to wallow in the balance of doing what they want and what would make the other person happy. it's a mess. a crazy mess.