Chapter 14: Caught up in my feelings.

Allk i really want is a root beer float and somebody to tell me i'm pretty. I am feeling really close to my period right now and the last thing i need is to be alone and near my phone. as soon as i get to this point i get all weepy and sensitive and i want to text HE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED because i'm a little bitch when it comes to him as a human being. I mean I do it to myself honestly, i watch romance movies at like midnight sitting in my draws and socks fucking wasting precious time being a freak. and it;s going to be raining soon. luckily i'll be going out with friends tomorrow. i dont know why i'm even up in my feelings; i've been offered sex from cute strangers but i dont know what to do because i dont do hook-ups you know i'm  like a nice girl and only one person has ever had my goodies. I am so mad because apart of me wants to follow through on one of the tinder offers but the other part of me cant let go so I end up turning it down and being frustrated.
I thought it'd be easy to just  jump back on the sexy horse, but I guess I'm not the girl I thought I was and I really hoped i'd be her by now. I even texted HE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED but it was at like 1 in the morning and i knew he wasn't going to reply but
I did it anyway cause it was buggin' me all day and I don't ask for advice anymore because my friends are just as sick of hearing about him as i am thinking of him. maybe I'm not allowing myself to heal properly, I mean I thought diving into the ocean would drown all my feelings but being in the deep blue all alone just makes you think all the time anyway. but I ordered more lipstick, and i'm looking at dresses on line. I've been saving a lot of money but i still have shopaholic tendancies. I'd really like a large sum of money so I can just shop all my feelings out. I'm supposed to be getting a check from the internship I quit a few weeks back and my dad's finally catching up on child support so that's awesome! And I've lost some weight so I need smaller clothes anyway. this fucking mowhawk is getting on my nerves because my hair is growing out. but shit I have enough money to by fake eyelashes and concealer and everything I fucking want. I'm thinking of going to cosmetology school and thats going to be really awesome because i'm going to be this hot sexy talented makeup artist and HE WHO REMAINS UNNAMED is going to miss out on the sexy butterfly I end up being because no one seems to think I'm worth the trouble and I'm worth fighting for. that's fucking fine, because I was built this way to fight for myself.