Chapter 12: Twisted Sister

I cant get along with any body. I was always so upset at the treatment I had recieved at home but now I'm starting to feel like it's my fault that I don't have it easy. like despite my efforts to get along with my family and overcome my own issues i'm still the cause of most of my failed relationships, either with family or friends or even Goat man. my over whelming pride seems to be the overall theme to my re-occuring folly. what am i actually supposed to do though? because there's always this battle between letting people walk all over you and being a prideful cunt. where is the happy medium? does that medium actually exist? how do you express your dislikes and the feelings of someone else remains unscathed. there's no winning really. because you either hurt someone else or you hold in all the bile and negativity and hurt yourself. there has to be a way for someone to gauge these things to become neither resentful or hateful of another and cultivate forgiveness without becoming a doormat. there can be strength in humility right? or is that just some catch 22 bullshit where either way you sort of get fucked over regardless. I want to let go of being raked over the coals all the time but it happens so often that I'm starting to feel like i'm to blame. I'm honestly tired of feeling guilty all the time so my relationships with other people can grow. I've been feeling so powerless, and so angry and I know what normal mentally stable people would say, just move on and forget but how can you learn the lesson that those bad experiences were supposed to teach you if you don't reflect. Or those experiences were just trials and thee was no real lesson to begin with it was just a sucky period of time. All and all I'm floundering. but it's going to get better as soon as I get out of my head.