Life so far...

I feel kind of frustrated with myself because I never noticed how cool I was. I mean like I hate the fact that when I met certain people in my life I was an insecure monster.I really want to apologize because now that I am content with myself i feel really embarrassed. its like that feeling you get when you look at those gross pictures from middle school when the hair is confused and the acne is full blown but you have to take the picture anyway. I don't know i feel like me and romance makes me stupid. I turn into this ridiculous clingy thing that just wants to be petted and told I'm pretty all the time. like I just felt like a cuddly madman. like I would just demand to be hugged or I would blow up a bus something stupid.maybe its my anxiety that makes me over analyse and thin about my performance. but looking back I was sort of ridiculous, I mean doesn't every one get ridiculous when they are infatuated? or maybe its just the whole thing that I never thought that I would have anybody and I wanted to milk the fuck out of it because it might not ever happen again, with self esteem problems you build up your partner to be this holy, beautiful being so you put them on this pedestal like you are so far out of their league and then boom, suddenly you realize they are actually human.I don't know I just felt about venting because I'm still in the reflection period of the break up. I'd been so used to not having feelings and having so much trouble with being the ugly duckling and all my friends going on dates and being so pretty while I'm going to bible study and doing my homework in the corner. I feel so stupid for building up everything and I thought I was smart enough to avoid all the "forever" or the "always love you." shit.OH MY FUCKING GOD  please do not ever tell someone you are going to be around forever, even if its just a really close friend because when that forever turns into two years that fucks with everyone. I know in the fun sexy part you think you're immortal and you think that nothing could ruin the fun cute relationship you have. You're not immortal, they wont be there when you aren't young and beautiful, just focus on having fun and making each other happy for the time being.live in the moment and don't think about what's going to happen later because shit happens.