Feels

I feel like it is hard for me to have faith in things because I have put my faith in things that don't work out. I've seen futures that never came true. So many things I hoped for and visualized until now. Where I seem to visualize nothing but pain because if I see it it wont happen. It's odd how things turn out. I feel like I care so much about my relationships now with people and before it didn't really matter. I've been hurt and shunned and still have the ability to forgive and care for those who don't deserve it but to those who do I'm like a child my priorities have been drowned by doubt and fear. I don't really know what to hope for. All I hope for is that I'm still breathing tomorrow.  I've tried praying for things, yet God seems to ignore me. Even when I was deeply religious he still didn't show me what I was looking for.  And now all I can see as a certainty is a negative out come. I guess that's the only certainty of life. A negative outcome. I wish I was care free and nothing ever bothered me but in truth besides my humorous disguise I'm as fragile as a tomato. Maybe I'll be strong one day. Hopefully that day comes sooner.