Lost girl

do you ever get that feeling that you're not at home even when you're in your own house? Like i dont know how to explain it but it's like I know this isnt where I am supposed to be. I know it sounds really crazy but it has felt that way for as long as I could remember like I was some kind of alien. it's like you get along fine with people but you dont really care about what they're talking about. You make small talk you go through the motions and you still come back feeling super empty and distant. I've never understood that feeling.  but there is a home somewhere I think. somewhere where i wont feel out of place and alien. there is a tribe, this is just a rough, lonely, boring patch thats all. I mean it cant be all gloom and doom forever. like I was upset earlier because I was watching a tutorial for the new mortal Kombat X and I was thinking how I would never be able to play any of those games because I couldn'fforthe Xbox one and now its on sale for $349.  and with that I could buy it after my next 3 pay checks and get Witcher and Mortal Kombat. so there was a solution to that dilemma, then there has to be a tribe like literally right around the corner. It could be right under my nose waiting for me to stumble into their arms. I think that's what everyone really wants. is to be somewhere where they know that they are comfortable and loved. just like there is an affordable video game waiting to be played. there's always something waiting for you to find it.  i guess my problem is it just dont know where to look

Curse of the Swamp witch.

so lets begin a story about the ridiculous attrocity that i have begun to call a love life or lack there of. I am still begrudgingly single and the prospects that i do end up having strong feelings for are less then great.the loneliness of small town Tujunga is violently depressing and the sadness seeps into my bones.hope is the cruelest tool of all. the hope to leave. the hope to escape this Purgatory, the hope to love and be loved. the hope for friends who don't just use me as a free therapist. my tiny little heart continues to pour out hopes upon hopes.the worst phrase of all is "one day." or "maybe." or "next year." or "soon." I continue to cling to this thread that there is a way out of here if I work hard enough if I push hard enough, if I try. The sick part is I can't give up even though I want to. I wish I could be hopeless and leave all my dreams to die in the desert like Tujunga sun. it is basically like I am in a vaccum , drowning in eternal indifference.  and I have to go to work tomorrow and deal with these jerk offs who know everything except  how to treat people like human beings. it's a fucking zoo. I don't have much to write about today because all i am capable of is complaining. Maybe i'm just restless because my period is close at hand.I still cant shake the hope that one day I will claw my way out of here and I will be out of this desert hell and I will live some where where all the flowers aren't coming out of concrete and the air isn't hot and scratchy against my skin. I will be able to say that I had gotten away and that I was the one that got out.there is a way. I know there is.