I might've messed up

I missed the deadline for my Cal grant so I will probably be taking a year off from going to school which is okay I guess but I kind of have no real direction. I'm going to have to fill in all this stuff and upload my (just okay) portfolio and type up an essay about what piece of art influenced me the most and I finally know what that piece of art is but I was really tempted to write about Goat man. To that my councilors would've scoffed and rolled their eyes because they are cynical adults who probably see people who seem to be soooo very in love but by the end of the first year have had several different partners of each sex and are single and estranged from their high school lover. I don't know when people became so jaded toward young relationships but it might've been around the same time people stopped caring once you start talking about God. My first day of work is at noon and I still can't manage to fall asleep. I hope I can wake up so u can catch my bus. I keep debating whether or not to wear my running shoes since I will be walking all day. Or to just wear vans so so I don't look like a a goober. I hope I do well in this job. I hope that I can be a good worker and get paid quickly. I want to save up so I can get my hair braided so I can protect it during the fall and winter months. Because I despise styling wet hair during the winter it's just plain gross. I wonder what it'll be like meeting all these new people.  I hope I don't choke up and just sit there like a mute native chief staring at people waiting for them to talk to me , which they won't because they're too freaked out that I'm watching them like a hawk. It doesn't help that I have resting butch face. I guess we'll just have to see how this goes .