New art works

Sorry I went m.I.a

I ate half a pizza alone

Today is the slowest day in the entire cosmos. I feel like everything hit a screaching halt since the whole rest of my weeks have been visiting schools having interviews looking for jobs and ect.. All I did was my nails that are like bright yellow now. I'm sort if on the fence about it but whatever. And do laundry. I've been on YouTube for hours and now I'm sort of just waiting for today to be over and my life to start back up again. Maybe its a big part if me having anxiety always wanting to do something and be somewhere. Its a sickness. I wish I could enjoy quiet times but all I'm thinking about is how long its gonna take for my clothes to dry since I couldn't afford to use the dryer and if I should text Goat man or not. I mean he didn't text me so I'm not obligated to but still. Is it rude not to? Is it bad that today was dead silent?  Either way I still ordered an Alfredo pizza and gorged myself. But it was a pizza hut pizza so it wasn't really that huge anyway. So I guess I'm not that guilty.

Life update

So I went to the art & design college andet with a. Councilor and he was nice and funny and told me I should reapply again in September because I don't really qualify for the fall semester but I'd be able to take the spring semester. That should be fun though having all this extra time to myself instead of jumping balls deep into school all over again. I am going to see if I can enroll in some classes at GCC and boost my GPA and try to take a lot of art classes so when I do turn in a portfolio even though I'm not very good in the grades department they'll seem my talent and love me. I just hope I do better in college then in highschool I don't want to be that same mediocre kid in college.  I don't want to be the kid that barely scraped by. I mean yeah my life is kind of difficult but its not like I have an excuse to be a lazy ass. I want to be the very best but I know its not going to happen over night because I am still me and I still have my personality. I need to stop putting myself on a pedestal be more humble. And maybe I'll do better this time.

Art blogs

Is it just me or is it an artist thing that following other artists blogs makes you either really inspired or feel really shitty about your work. And I know thats not the intention at all but its how I feel. I mean I feel like I'm not good enough and I'm going to get torn apart in art school. All these artists I follow are so cool and great like on instagram and stuff , but I don't know what I'm doing. I don't even feel like I have an art style anymore. Or maybe I'm being temper mental and it'll come to me when its ready. For the mean time I should just focus on writing stories or learning how to drive and looking for a job. I'm going to try to tour another art campus next week. The one for the cool ass fashion school went really well but I'm not to sure about the vibe from the school. It was too out of my element I guess. Everyone was dressed up and had a full face of makeup they were all put together. The campus was nice though and the people were more friendly then I expected but I'm a simple bitch with simple needs. So I was intimidated. Maybe I'll like the other art campus. Maybe that'll be the one like my collegiate soul mate. I hope it works out. I hope they accept me. I really want to start my life. I want to see where everything takes me. I'm anxious but excited but more anxious than anything . maybe it'll work out though who knows everything might even work out.

Artwork updates

Sorry

Goat man gas been home since Tuesday . I'm sorry u hadn't updated in a while. I have artist block at the moment which is the urge to draw but the lacking of knowing what to draw. I'm going to get leggings today and maybe go see how to train your dragon 2. That's gonna be fun. I really want to see 22 jump street though but we're going to see that tomorrow. I'm so excited! This post is very short and I should have some updates from my last nasty coffee collage.

A new day is dawning

He's flying in tonight and I'm so excited I cant bare it. I'm so excited I feel like a puppy. He's coming to see me tomorrow and I just arrgh I'm gushing like a fan girl in line for a concert. Everyone is gone and its back to being just my mom and I. My grandma kept threatening to move in with us and I was hoping she wouldn't. I mean I have no reason to be worried but I just went straight for the worst case scenario. My cat scratched up my arm now I'm kinda pissed and my stomach hurts a bit. Not sure why. I'm bloated & nausious. I hope my period doesn't start tomorrow that would suck! Hope for the best & it'll all work out....that's what I'm going to tell myself anyway.

Day one

He'll be home Monday night so its pretty much 7 days. Im sort of burnt out with my family and crap so this isn't gonna be a long entry sorry guys

Day 2

I'm so tired. I've been just shopping and today my granny came over to spend the weekend with me and my mom. Idk I've been drained the whole week I'm not sure why it feels like my anxiety is more hyper active without Goat man. But I know now I like having  him around. I'm so tired. I almost finished the nasty coffee collage I started on but otherwise I haven't been very productive.

Day 3

ﾟﾟ(´O｀)°゜ﾟ
I'm so lame I fell asleep when he wanted to call me I thought I could stay awake but I couldn't. Anyway I'm going to buy some more clothes today. I'll probably just get jeans and leggings but I really want to get a few more shirts too. I think this next trip will be my last shopping adventure for a while. My mom said she'd order a wig for me online. Yes a wig. I am black and I have unmanigable 3c hair and sometimes I get lazy and I don't want to do anything to it and straightening damages my hair so I found a wig. This is my first time wearing a wig so I'm excited. I hope it gets ordered and I found this cute rilakumma phone case that I really want. Its all on eBay so its like super cheap and I cant wait to get everything. I've been shopping so much I feel like I shop to make myself feel better. And it helps me not focus on Goat man. It makes it worse though when I get pages of "I miss you." Cause if I don't pay attention to the fact that we're miles apart it doesn't matter to me then he brings it up. （｀m´＃）

4th day

So I'm actually muddling through this week better than expected.  I also thought I'd be spending most of my time out on the town. But I've been home alot and I've gotten time to myself.  Friends are great & I miss my Goat man but I feel like I'm getting back in touch with my brain lady. I'm working on another collage & I will be getting new colored pencils today they're Prismacolor and they are supposed to be very good quality. I mean they Better be for $14.29.  I'm going to get some stationary today too to write thank you letters to everyone who gave me graduation presents. I'll post the stationary cause it's a surprise. I want Goat man to have fun he sounds miserable , but his dad isn't the easiest person to talk to and hang out with. I understand that from having similar experience. But the experience is what matters. The whole scenery and beauty of the island the food all those things shouldn't be taken from you. It's not fair that he can't have fun in such an awesome place. But at least he went. The only places I've gone all seem to resemble hell ; Arizona, Texas , Georgia all the hot yucky places.

Hey you guys!!!

Someone got NEW ART SUPPLIES *dramatic singing voice*
They're so kawaii and i love them they're super super cute!!! Ahhh
Goat man took me to get them before he left! It's so adorable
I got everything from this place called mauya in eagle rock. It has a bunch of cute stuff like this . I almost spent all my money over there. But I got a little punch card so I could win something if I keep going there!

Family time

So earlier this week I went to lunch with my dad's father and it wasn't as bad as I thought.  But then again I was going off of the experience I had with my aunt & my other family making what was supposed to be a fun happy graduation dinner a total bummer.i had a great time with my grandparents and I talked about normal stuff like "what I am doing now that I'm out if school." "Who's your boyfriend? " "where are you going to college. " normal shit that people are supposed to talk about instead of divorce and personal issues. Oh and I got the bombest pho I have ever had at this place called pho hut. The boba was delicious I got the green tea smoothie and I had fried sqid which again AMAZING and the pho itself was AWESOME but the spring rolls were kinda gross not gonna lie. They were sticky and weird and the sauce was like peanut butter.  It was heavy and made the spring rolls more dry HATED IT.

Count down 5 days

This is the first day Goat man left for his trip so last night we went on a fantastic date and had such a good time. We shopped (I spent my graduation money) and we ate and we Bought mortal kombat v.s DC universe and it was so great!!! Then we got home and hung out with his new kitten and played a little MK then we had to go to his cousins graduation.  I almost cried later that night but I didn't because I'm tough ( totally kidding I'm a big softy.) These are the pictures from the restaurant we got the same thing but he ended up eating my food. The left overs I had ended up getting thrown away so I'm a sad miko. :( it was so good its fluffy white rice with egg and chives paired with chow mein and calamari.  I'm a bit of a calamari freak to be honest. I had Coconut  milk tea with boba but I didn't take a picture I should've it was awesome!!

The one named sailor moon

I've been working on this new collage for moon crisis on Instagram and it is the first one I added background color to. I might go back to the originals and redo all the coloration and add background. So many people talked to me about how much they liked the coloring. I really like how it turned out.

6 days in hell

My Goat man is going out of state to go to Hawaii with his dad and his little brother. It's going to be pretty hard but I'm going to try to stay busy. I'm going to probably be doing some more art work and posting on here and on Instagram. Today Goat man and I are going to go shopping and then take my mom out to see maleficent! Sleeping Beauty was one of my favorite movies when I was little because my mom used to sing once upon a dream to me. That was one of my only lullabies. So then after that we are going to his cousins graduation and then we're going to cuddle until he has to go home.  It's going to suck but it's okay because I want him to experience things without me having to be there and him not missing out on anything because of me. We're young and people our age get wrapped up in each other and tune out the whole world and then 20 years later when you're looking back wishing you'd have gone to different places and done different things because you've either been with that person for an eternity or you're divorced or you broke up in your twenties and barely remember that persons middle name. So I just wanted him to go out AND Explore, Cause I have a single mom and I'm not working at the moment so I'm probably not going anywhere except maybe Glendale or eagle rock.

Summer time

So I got the opportunity to do voice overs for an independent animation and I hope I goes well because I really want to have this experience. Tomorrow I have another interview with the cool ass fashion school. I might not even end up going.to school there, my mom's friend who got me the voice over gig is recommending me to go to Cal arts or Otis. I wanted to go to Otis originally but I never worked on my portfolio.

Today I have to get lunch with my grandparents on my dad's side. Usually kids are excited to see their grandparents but it's just going to be this long uncomfortable lunch. Followed by them ( or just my step grandma.) Taking me shopping with the little bit of Money my grandfather allowed her and then talking about how they have no money and they're so broke. Now this sounds like I'm being money hungry and just spending time with them for the money. But not entirely.  My grandpa is the king of empty promises.  Or once we get to the store he'll go "now pick out one thing that you like." Thank God I like to shop discount. But he's always been that way he'll say "gonna go take the baby out shopping. " which actually ended up being " going to take the baby to get one  item and then coming back." He and my dad do the same thing.  And the funny part is my dad hates his dad with a fiery passion that burns like the sun. So yeah the first portion of my summer is playing relative roulette, because my dad's family likes to wait until someone accomplishes something before they show up. So this is going to be fun I might see my uncles today too.

But I need to do something about my hair. It's been straightened for about a week and I need to go back to the natural.  I might have to two strand twist it to Keep it out of the way. I'm surprised that the hair lasted so long but I'm a little paranoid cause I had a dream where my hair fell out so yeah twists it is. I might get braids again sometime in August or September. For now though I need to wash, condition, and deep condition.

Woah

I can't believe my naggy little blog got 91 views! That's hella exciting but it's digressed from my original intentions.  There will be more art works and maybe even some prints. I'm not really sure about nasty coffee pricing. I feel like a lot of underground or start up companies are way too expensive.  Like after they get a solid following everything is like $30 for a fucking t-shirt. Like I mean who's going to spend $30 on a shirt?! I want to commission some art work too like have posters and prints and shirts. My dreams are almost over flowing.  I have another interview with the cool ass fashion school (not really sure about what I called it in my last blog) this Saturday I think.  I hope it goes well we canceled so many times I don't even think she wants to see me lol. I might end up going to AI instead. Whatever.  It's all gonna work out wish me luck in the real world! Even if it's probably like one person reading this 91 times. Any support counts :D

Tonight

Tonight was the night of my graduation! I bought primer and lipsticks and got all prettiful. But it hasn't hit me that I'm a real person now.
I'm so tired I don't even want to wash my face off from all the makeup.  I'm so sleepy. I had dinner with my dad's family and it was fun for a while until we started talking about my uncle leaving my aunt again and his new boyfriend.  I came back from the bathroom and BOOM sad times . It was kind of a buzz kill so I just listened to them talk about themselves. It was fun to see them though and they try really hard to make sure I had a good time. I love them I really do. I just didn't want to relive everything.  And the thing is I don't even care about him having a boyfriend.  I care about lying. He lied to me. He became a father to me and then out of the blue he leaves. I've been upset for a long time. This situation has even haunted me in my new relationship cause my aunt was the one to marry a white guy and since Goat man is white and I'm a part of the great Long family I just saw us bursting into flames. I thought I'd end up being a lesbian and leaving him and breaking his heart. Or he'd end up being gay. Or he would get tired of me being a fucking crazy insecure basket case and leave.  I started to feel like I was incapable of love and being in a functional lasting relationship.  Most people my age just want to go to a good college or be hot or get a job and I'm worried about if I can be a good girlfriend/maybe even wife and escape the "curse". I don't even know what possessed me to get into a relationship.  But sometimes I feel like asking Goat man to go out with me even though we've been together for a while already.  I guess that's a positive.  I just don't want to let him down. I'm glad I'm out of school.  The summer will be the first summer I spend with Goat man. Hopefully I make it through another few months because I've been such a bitch lately.  I'm going into the world now.  I don't have to go to school for a while either. I should learn how to drive over the summer. And continue drawing. I should definitely keep in touch with my creative writing classmates.  Keep writing and send stuff to my old teacher so she can edit it and give me pointers.  I made it. I have to realize that I went all this way and fought through the tears and kept my chin up. Because I made it without D and without help from my dad even though he wants to make up for it now. My forehead is starting to itch, I might need to go wash it. But other than the serious shit.  I ate the absolute best thing ever FRIED RED BEAN ICECREAM!!! Made my life complete. I went to this tiny sushi place called tori yen hopefully I don't get food poisoning cause I never tried it before. That's about it for tonight. I'll have more soon my summer is going to be a bit lazy. Good night

Drabbles

Maybe soulmate aren't real. And everything we've been fed all our lives is a lie perpetuated through the masses that there is one special person that was made just for you. I spit in the eyes of the creator of that theory. That people actually have cosmic partners that's a god damn lie! Stay single DAMNIT it's far more productive save yourself from the wild goose chase it's not worth it. I thought I had one multiple times but all I had were faces to keep in the archive. I should just focus on my artwork and getting into school. that's the way it should've been done in the first place.

Defective

In all honesty I really think I'm the reason all my relationships are fucked up and lame. I'm probably the reason my last friendship fell through & the same with the relationship I'm in now. Maybe I should just stay single because I'm not happy.  I don't know I might never be happy.  That's just something I have to deal with.