Tonight

Tonight was the night of my graduation! I bought primer and lipsticks and got all prettiful. But it hasn't hit me that I'm a real person now.
I'm so tired I don't even want to wash my face off from all the makeup.  I'm so sleepy. I had dinner with my dad's family and it was fun for a while until we started talking about my uncle leaving my aunt again and his new boyfriend.  I came back from the bathroom and BOOM sad times . It was kind of a buzz kill so I just listened to them talk about themselves. It was fun to see them though and they try really hard to make sure I had a good time. I love them I really do. I just didn't want to relive everything.  And the thing is I don't even care about him having a boyfriend.  I care about lying. He lied to me. He became a father to me and then out of the blue he leaves. I've been upset for a long time. This situation has even haunted me in my new relationship cause my aunt was the one to marry a white guy and since Goat man is white and I'm a part of the great Long family I just saw us bursting into flames. I thought I'd end up being a lesbian and leaving him and breaking his heart. Or he'd end up being gay. Or he would get tired of me being a fucking crazy insecure basket case and leave.  I started to feel like I was incapable of love and being in a functional lasting relationship.  Most people my age just want to go to a good college or be hot or get a job and I'm worried about if I can be a good girlfriend/maybe even wife and escape the "curse". I don't even know what possessed me to get into a relationship.  But sometimes I feel like asking Goat man to go out with me even though we've been together for a while already.  I guess that's a positive.  I just don't want to let him down. I'm glad I'm out of school.  The summer will be the first summer I spend with Goat man. Hopefully I make it through another few months because I've been such a bitch lately.  I'm going into the world now.  I don't have to go to school for a while either. I should learn how to drive over the summer. And continue drawing. I should definitely keep in touch with my creative writing classmates.  Keep writing and send stuff to my old teacher so she can edit it and give me pointers.  I made it. I have to realize that I went all this way and fought through the tears and kept my chin up. Because I made it without D and without help from my dad even though he wants to make up for it now. My forehead is starting to itch, I might need to go wash it. But other than the serious shit.  I ate the absolute best thing ever FRIED RED BEAN ICECREAM!!! Made my life complete. I went to this tiny sushi place called tori yen hopefully I don't get food poisoning cause I never tried it before. That's about it for tonight. I'll have more soon my summer is going to be a bit lazy. Good night