So What Had Happened Was

so long story short I disapeared for a while because of a deal of drama that i seemed to get myself into and we are going to have to start from the end and work my way backward. I told My best friend I had a crush on him a few weeks ago. got turned down, we haven't talked for two weeks. but now his sister has made it about herself and wedged herself in a very passive conflict succeeding to make it 1000x worse than it should be and now i feel like i'm being punished for liking him, like I've done a terrible evil, or some kind of crime resulting in some weird intervention like me having affection toward someone is offensive. It makes me feel sort of like I'm a gross fuck for even expressing these feelings in the first place like what the fuck am i that terrible? Is the idea of me wanting someone that disgusting or vile. am I that repulsive? like did i miss the memo that i am a leper that doesn't get to show any type of liking toward anyone without warranting a slap on the wrist and me being shoved back into the animal cage i belong in. I feel so ashamed like I feel disgusting like I'm the worst person to walk the earth for having an innocent attraction for someone. I don't understand why I keep getting treated like I'm doing something wrong. 

I didn't choose to have a crush, i cant pin point when I'm going to like someone who they're going to be or how i'm going to act around them. I just wanted to say something so I didn't waste my time pining after someone I knew wasn't going to reciprocate my affection because they have other issues they have to deal with. this isn't my fault and I shouldn't be treated like some lecherous villain. I'm always getting treated like there is something wrong with me that needs to be fixed because I want to date people. That's totally fucking normal and I'm not Medusa or anything I am deserving of human emotion and shit, I don't like the fact that I am being interrogated over the most heartbreaking moment in time and replaying it over and over again like this is an episode of fucking criminal minds, I didn't do anything wrong and I shouldn't have to deal with this trash. if anything he should be flattered and feel blessed because I am a walking goddess but instead I am being called into the principal's office like a naughty child. I regret saying anything but at the same time it says more about the two of them than it does about me. I love everything and everyone most of the time unless i'm at work than that's a different story. it's been a really hard week for me because I have been avoiding dealing with this issue. which isnt really an issue for a normal person someone having a crush on them would warrant an "aww that's cute, thank you." instead of "we need to have a family meeting," 

it's fucking heart breaking that it comes to having to have a stern talking to and it makes me feel like I'm the cripple from '300', when in all seriousness i'd be more like Xerces. I dont understand why this is so appalling like how gross must you see me if this is the case? in his mind i must be some sort of gross spore instead of a sentient person deserving of any type of human contact if this is how i am treated.